FIVE RED FLAGS TO LOOK OUT FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP.

Of all the things we do while we are in a relationship, trusting our better half tops the chart and rightly so. But have you ever thought where your boyfriend/girlfriend picked up that colloquial lingo from, which neither of you spoke in before? Or have you ever tried to find out why he/she is always working late on a weekend nowadays? No matter how involved we are, these red flags need to be identified. Sometimes we are madly in love to see the heartbreak coming, and at times we choose to ignore the signs because we are scared of confrontation and the nasty break-up that follows it. While we can'r nurse your heartache or help you with a rebound crush, what we can do is share some real-life cheating experiences that people have encountered while they were with someone.
(1). I am busy and so he/she: Today, both men and women are career driven and have little or no time for their personal life. Yet, when you are in a steady relationship, you go out of your way to see the person you love at least once a week. But if they are always too busy to meet and talk or even exchange texts, you need to figure out what's wrong. "I fell in love with my gym trainer and after five months of dropping hints, we started dating. Initially, he was sweet and went overboard with his love and affection. He would take out time from his hectic schedule to meet me but after a couple of months, things fizzled out. He was ambitious and I liked that about him. With every passing day, he would seek my help for small things. Like, 'help me with a suitable Instagram bio that can get me good clients' or 'You must be knowing celebrities, recommend me to them so that they hire me as their personal trainer'. It did not take me long to realise that he was using me as a medium to strengthen his profile and take advantage of my contacts. I also discovered that he was a gold digger, sleeping around with loaded clients and telling me 'he is too busy to meet'", shares Sunita Subramaniam, an entertainment writer.
(2). He/she is a fault finder: It is wonderful how we look at our partners as perfect human beings and their little gestures melt our hearts. From the way you sneeze to the way you curl up in bed, they love everything about you. But as time passes, even major personality traits or things that are an integral part of your identity irk them. "We were college sweethearts and the relationship seemed like it would last for good. suddenly, after three years of dating, he told me that he couldn't marry me because I am from a different community, which his parents would not approve of. Soon, I discovered that he was dating a girl from his college who is from my community and when I confronted him, he kept denying it. After some elaborate stalking on social media, I found a picture where he called himself 'a committed bachelor' and she liked the comment. I immediately ended things", reveals Jiniya Laishram, a media professional.
(3). Change in habits or way of life: Your partner thinks he/she is too posh to use colloquial slangs or loathes people using certain words. But he/she is doing it now and with aplomb. Sometimes, even if your partner is a compulsive liar, chances of him/her picking up the language their secret lover speaks in or some of their habits is common. For aspiring dancer Lipika Singh, her OCD-victim live-in boyfriend of three years, leaving the towel on bed after bathing and asking her questions like 'kya karr rahi be tu' was like meeting a different person altogether. "He is from a place where Hindi is not even spoken and there he was, cracking jokes in a language he has never spoken before and always trying to learn new words. His obsession with 'figuring out life all by myself' set off alarm bells because he would never be at home. Turns out, he was sleeping around with a girl he despised for her hygiene issues and when I confronted him, he shut me out with a simple 'She is different and makes me chase', I had to tell my parents I broke up with him because I found someone else", shares Lipika.
(4). He/she doesn't want sex anymore: Physical intimacy is one of the key factors that help in maintaining a healthy relationship. Tanya Menezes, a relationship counsellor, says a lack of interest in sex should be enough for you to do some research. "Copulation is an integral part of any romantic union. Sometimes when one of the partners find love or get infatuated to someone else, they generally avoid having sex or even sharing the same bed. The excuses are always 'I am too tired', 'It's that time of the month'...it could be anything. That's partly because of their lack of interest in their current partner, and partly because of the guilt trip they are on. Sailing on two boats brings along a lot of guilt and the fear of getting caught, compelling the cheater to keep physical intimacy to a bare minimum", explains Menezes.
(5). Insane amount of affection towards someone else: Says student Saurav Das, "My exams were about to start so that left me with hardly any time to be with my girlfriend and I thought things would be fine because we had been together for a while. Soon, I started noticing that she was getting close to a guy who used to live across my street. When I asked her about him, she said that they were just friends. As soon as my exams got over, she started distancing herself from me and I could see her fondness for him growing (thanks to social media). Unfortunately, I couldn't say anything because I had no hard evidence. Then one day, she cancelled our date but since I did not want to come off as a possessive guy, I let it pass and went out with my friends instead. While returning home, I saw them both walking with their arms entwined and in deep conversation. The very next morning, that guy's relationship status changed to 'in a relationship with her', which led to a nasty fight amongst the three of us. I had no option but to walk away with dignity".
Why do people cheat? "Unlike the 80s and 90s, when confrontation and working towards mending broken relationships were still options people liked to consider, these days couples do not have the time or patience to communicate to their partners that they are not happy with the way things are panning out or that a particular habit of theirs is bothering them. Also, the fact that there are so many options available in terms of dating apps, relationships have been reduced to a thing that people like to 'try out' and not 'work on'. Technology and peer pressure (to come off as cool) has prompted the youth to put loyalty at the back seat", explains marriage and relationship counsellor Niyati Khaitan.
Tanya Menezes, however, attributes cheating instincts to an individual's innate curiosity to explore the unexplored. "Sometimes, it is the thrill of it that pushes them to take the step. Maybe he/she has a perfect husband/wife/partner at home but they feel monogamy is boring and look for adventure elsewhere. Lack of experimenting in bed could be another reason as well", she concludes.
--Challapalli Srinivas Chakravarthy--
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